My Whole World's Coming Apart

I need you to go to this link immediately, then read on.

There. Glad we got that out of the way. You better be listening to it. Don't make me come over there. Sorry, it's just that I couldn't find a way to deliver to you this inexplicably intriguing song by one John Maus, a man I knew nothing about until about five minutes ago.

My friend Jon (same-name coincidence not my fault) bestowed this tune upon me amidst an online argument about music. I didn't touch it for a week until it bubbled up between giant blocks of Ronettes and Monks songs. Annoyed by the non-sequitir, I checked what the hell it was, then immediately found my legs and arms moving to the beat, without my permission. Skepticism melted into bliss. Everything in my room seemed to vibrate. Never have synthesizers felt so anthemic. JOHN MAUS WHO ARE YOU?!



It wasn't until I read his Wikipedia that I discovered my new purpose in life, the now-obvious reason I was put on this planet. John Maus is from (or at least lives and works in) Hawai'i. I'M FROM HAWAI'I. I'M GOING TO HAWAI'I IN A FEW MONTHS. I MUST FIND HIM AND MEET HIM. ASK HIM QUESTIONS. BUY HIM BEERS. KIDNAP HIM BACK TO SAN FRANCISCO. I haven't figured out what I would do with him next, but this is my mission. Force him to take me on tour with him? It could be an Almost Famous-type saga! Whatever happens, JOHN MAUS IS MY TICKET TO GLORY.